I’m not going to lie to you; March was terrible for me and my shameful lack of content on the blog shows that there was absolutely no denying it.
I promised myself when I first rebooted HAUTE HEADED that I would consistently stick to my posting schedule no matter the circumstances. Come hell or high water, I started this website determined to churn out a post every single Saturday. Did I fail in my promise this month?
Well, given the fact that this is my first and only article in the last few days, I’m sure the answer is pretty clear.
Last February, I released a different kind of monthly roundup: I shared an honest and raw version of how my weeks went, and I opened up a little about some personal problems I had experienced that caused my writer’s block. And as much as I hate to blame the same cause twice– here I am, coming to you with my head hanging low, admitting that not much has changed in terms of inspiration since I posted that article, thus the zero progress today.
March was filled with problem after problem. I was overwhelmed with everything going on from school to friends to work to more private issues.
My heart was lost, and it was brimming with unanswered questions. But after a lot of reflecting, I’ve come to realize that it’s okay– it’s okay to have questions that may never be answered. It’s okay to live with the uncertainty. Not everything will always be crystal clear, so instead of trying to control forces outside of us, the most we can do is make the most out of the things that can.
A few hours ago, I attended a homecoming recollection hosted by my university. It was a very spiritual experience, and definitely something I needed after such an emotionally jarring month. Our facilitator shared a quote that touched me so deeply, I had to include it in this post.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
Rainer Maria Rilke
My thoughts may have buried me deep into a pit of self-loathing, but I refuse to be a prisoner of my own mind any longer. After hitting rock bottom for so long, I finally understand that I must embrace the day my only choice is to rise up.
That time is now.
Starting April, we’ll be back with our regularly scheduled programming! I’ve got tons of new ideas in store, and I can’t wait to start creating content that both you and I can enjoy.
I’ve never seen this blog as a platform separate from me– it’s an extension of my personality and an outlet for the version of myself that I strive everyday to fulfill. If my heart isn’t received well by another outlet, then I will channel all my love and passion and put it into the one place I know it will always, always, always be appreciated.
The art of blogging– the gift that takes and gives all at once.